Life on the outside is nothing like life in the colony
Life on the outside is a breath of fresh air
Life on the outside is just that, freedom
The initial feeling you experience after leaving stellenbosch is a sense of achievement because you’ve made it out alive. Relief because the weight of constantly having to justify your existence and experience has been lifted off your shoulders. Energised because now you get to do the things that you’ve always wanted to.
Once you’ve settled into your new life of freedom, things start making sense. You begin to realise that the shit hole called stellenbosch wasn’t that shitty because you’ve grown in ways that you could’ve never imagined. The fiery hatred that you felt when you walked on the rooiplein is all but a faint scar and a distant memory. The cold loneliness that consumed you when you stared at the white wall, actually made you clarify and appreciate your non-negotiables, your desires and your needs. You begin to feel yourself within yourself and see yourself as blessed and highly flavoured.
But life on the outside does not look like instagram or sound like twitter.
In fact, life is harder. It’s harder because you are filled with dreams and ideas and yet time, finances, resources, networks and lack of experience will make the journey to the top that much harder.
Seeing your friends succeed and living their proverbial best life while you are struggling to get on your feet will lead you down the black hole of self-doubt, regret and self-hate. You begin to long for the chaos, toxicity and predictability of Stellenbosch because the uncertainty and the unknown of reality is unbearable.
For those of us who have entered the workforce, this black hole seems even blacker and deeper. Your life is so consumed by work that you stay up an hour longer and wake up an hour earlier just to catch up catching up. You diarise times to sleep, eat, breath and yet, you easily forget to acknowledge your own presence and admire yourself. Your standard excuse for any engagements slowly becomes the label that is associated with your name. You long for intellectual stimulation paired with loads of laughter and late nights. You long for days where you could be impulsive, careless and reckless. You long but you can’t have because your dreams and desires are dependent on your success as a rat spinning the 9-5 work wheel.
But life on the outside is a step forward and backwards. Things get better and harder and that’s ok…
Because life is a marathon with many hills and valleys and that’s what makes it all worth it.
That post stellenbosch glow is a thing
It’s not the freedom that makes your skin glow
That glow you have is the result of you discovering your true value. It is you giving yourself a fighting chance and truly loving yourself for all that you are and all that you will become.
Black child, you are NOT on your own
You got me!